Letter of the Week 1-29-12


I recently bought Elena Undone on iTunes. I have watched it a couple times now. There was so much about the story and the characters that resonated with me. In fact, watching this movie helped me see myself more clearly and enabled me to articulate my thoughts to a close friend.

I am a 41 year old female and I have been married to my husband for 13 years, but together for 22 years. We have two children.

Five years ago, I met a woman through work. We very quickly became almost inseparable. Within six months we knew almost everything about each other, I had a bag of lounging clothes and my favorite snacks that I kept at her house for our weekly Friday evenings together. Neither of us thought of ourselves as “lesbians”. We talked on the phone multiple times a day and shared the details of our daily lives. We supported each other emotionally and we grew to love one another which we verbalized. This new found companionship created challenges for our exiting relationships. Me with my husband and mother. She is single but close with siblings and other friends who teased her and called me her girlfriend. We took trips together, we grew closer and we argued. Eventually, I told her I may be in love with her. She stated that she did not feel the same, despite her actions. There was very little physical intimacy. We never kissed. We hugged, held hands infrequently and she enjoyed frequent neck and back rubs that I offered.

A few months after traveling for a week with my husband and I, she said she no longer wanted my friendship. Out of the blue, with no warning. She said I don’t hear “no” and she can’t say “no”. She said the bad for her outweighed the good. There was a lot of tears and discussion, but this was absolutely not a mutual decision. I offered and she accepted a three month break to think about things. In the end, she did not change her mind. She asked me to email her which I did until she told me to stop contacting her. Needless to say there are other individual issues that brought us to this bleak ending.

I love her with all my heart. She was my soulmate. I was not hers. I went through the same experience as Elena in discovering myself. I was at that point where I offered “all of me except for that”. I was able to accept all of this only after watching Elena Undone. This was not something I could accomplish in a year of counseling.

I am making progress, but I am not over my heartbreak.

Thank you for this movie that truly “moved” me. I feel less alone and isolated.


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